Adiós Berkeley
A letter to all those who helped me finish my degree at UC Berkeley, whether they knew it or not.
My late uncle Beto Arroyo once told me (roughly), "don't say goodbye, that means you won't see that person again. Instead, say see you later." I must admit, I really want to say bye to Berkeley.
I am tired of having the cops called on me. I want space to be who I am without fear of slurs being hurled at me, for many have been. I need a break from the competition and grind that leaves so many empty. There are so many missing brushstrokes from the story people painted Berkeley to be. My experiences are not unique: my friend just told me about someone who threatened to call the cops on him while on university property. It's infuriating and heartbreaking that we don't feel safe or comfortable here.
There's also a genocide occurring as I write and as you read. It seems almost wrong to reflect on my experiences knowing that many kids will never even get to grow up, much less experience what I have. During this moment, it is important to center resistance and express gratitude for those who are making this world better.
To that end, I see faith in the friends and mentors who are just happy for me. I feel love from the people that have struggled, worked and lived with me. I hear the beat of our collective hopes in our music and our chants. If my Berkeley were a painting, it would be a mural of these faces.
I've learned a lot and grown in my time at Berkeley. I could run down all the different experiences I had here, but that would do a disservice to what I really got out of this place.
As kind of a side note, I have a lot of photos. Not just on my phone, but printed and on film. Although I sometimes forget people's names right after I meet them, I can tell you the people and story behind each of the photos I have. They're that important to me. It's the reason I started doing Film Logs.
Alexander Parra
Explore my film here
Further, I can tell you what I've learned from each of my friends and mentors here and beyond. Some have taught me patience. Some have taught me peace. Others taught me theory, and others still taught me creativity. We all exist in relation to each other—no one lives in a vacuum. People have influenced my music very tangibly, and I've gotten people to see some of the harms of technology. I will forever be a part of these people's stories as much as they are of mine. They are what got me to this finish line.
assorted collection of memories
My story extended beyond Berkeley too: I've been literally paid to travel and experience the world. It's not a privilege or opportunity most people ever get. In my travels, studies and work, I met so many people that were the cause of my retention in computer science and tech—people who accepted me for the entirety of myself. Every semester since I got to Berkeley I've told people that I would be dropping the Computer Science major. These people made sure that never happened. I've been finding more and more of these people recently, and I hope I keep meeting those types of people. However, being out in the real world very much forced me to grow up, which made me realize how important the college experience is.
It's definitely lost on some people just how much of a privilege it is to attend UC Berkeley. We have truly world-class professors, leaders in their fields and thought. I got to learn about cutting edge algorithmic and systems design, music theory at the frequency level and the inner workings of capitalism and imperialism—all at the same University. It's a fucking shame that academia has been and is continually constructed to bar almost everyone from accessing this knowledge. Further, it produces many of the horrors seen in this world. Yet, I still find myself in awe of the growth of my skills and thought—especially critical thought.
art and friends, sometimes both at once.
I'm leaving this place a very different person than when I arrived. The world has opened itself up to me in ways I never believed possible. Many people enabled this growth—too many to count. I'm leaving here fully appreciative of what they've done for me and the experiences they've allowed me to have. I was eligible to apply for this award for seniors, so I wrote a personal statement in support of my application. During the process, I reflected on all the different things I did here. Here's what I wrote about that:
It’s sometimes hard for me to see or talk about my personal successes because they feel like community successes. Yet, when I take a hard look at what I’ve been able to do these past four years, I can’t deny that I’ve done incredibly well for myself. I’ve interned at some of the highest paying companies in the world; I’ve released full-length albums written and recorded by myself; I’ve been published; I’ve given guest lectures; I’ve met many of my heroes; I’ve traveled across the nation for various conferences; and I’ve gotten to teach the singular CS social science and ethics course here. There is not much more I could’ve asked for from my undergraduate degree here. However, what I’ll remember is the people that have made my time here a little easier for me, and the people who I’ve gotten to teach and mentor. We’ve all left a little of ourselves with each other and in the spaces and classes we took part in. From the professors who have guided my thinking and interests to the friends who made hard classes more enjoyable, we’re all just reflections of each other.
It's been truly soul-warming to receive my flowers and to be able to give my friends theirs. Many of my friends are going off to complete PhDs and Masters in Computer Science, Ethnic Studies, Sociology and more. It's an honor to watch them firsthand become experts in their respective fields.
I've also been reminded just how much influence and impact I had on this campus. Before coming to Berkeley, the only time I experienced people talking behind my back was in truly evil ways. Since then, I have gotten to experience it in beautiful, positive ways. I've also been told very explicitly how much I mean to people here. People have shared with me how I've helped them, which has been important when I lose sight of why I do what I do. In my view relationships aren't transactional: I never expect anything in return from people. However, the feeling that I get from seeing people succeed (mostly through their own efforts but also) with my support is indescribable.
On the flip side, I could go on and on about what it means for me to be who I am, here, at this moment; what it means for me to show the world another possibility of who you can be; what it means for me to share in the creation of a better world. However, I'm not going to. For now, I'm just going to enjoy this finish and a new start. For the first time in a long time, I'm just enjoying being a dumb young adult with few obligations and duties. It's been healing.
outside!
Adiós Berkeley. I'll see you again, but never in this way.
